Time out at Clocked

By LOLA PAK

Going to Clocked came by default. My party of three had originally planned to dine at Farm 225 when a chalkboard sign told us it was closed due to a private party. Not willing to spend another 20 minutes searching for parking in a foodier area of downtown Athens, we settled on the tiny burger diner on West Washington Street, just a stone's throw from our original choice.

It was not my first time at Clocked, but it felt different. As I faced the bar and kitchen rather than the large-window views of the courtyard, I was able to notice the round, kaleidoscope-like lamps dangling from the ceiling and the mini TV propped on top of the beer fridge showing Ultraman, the futuristic Japanese show from the ‘60s.

Subtitled and unrealistic, it obviously wasn’t on for anyone to watch, but it suited the diner’s retro décor by matching the enormous Ultraman posters on the green rococo wallpaper. Townie hipsters clustered around one of the tables-for-two by the door, while your average fraternity duo sat close by, nursing beers without food.

It’s easy to see why—the menu had little to offer, with little beyond hot sandwiches and burgers for a suitable dinner. Perhaps their menu lunch of a (plain) salad or Terrapin Ale vegetarian chili would be more appealing. The guava Italian soda would also have made a nice afternoon pick-me-up.

On this night, however, the choices were few, as well as the staff. They appeared flustered as they wiped down one table and brought ketchup to another, completely bypassing our group. It would be another 10 minutes before we received our drinks.

Sipping on Cokes and Terrapin’s Golden Ale, we stared at the oblong paper menu for five minutes, trying to decide between sandwich or burger (neither the hummus and pita starter nor State Fair Corn Dog specialty were appealing). Both myself and a friend settled on the mushroom and Swiss cheeseburger with sides of tater tots and French fries, while my roommate got the turkey melt with potato salad.

The sides arrived first, followed by two reactions of disgust. The potato salad had an unexpected celery taste, while the French fries were browned to the point of brittle. Strange, as the tots were as golden as the beer. What kind of fryer does Clocked use, and should anyone ever have to ask that question?

Fortunately, the entrees arrived shortly after, surprising us with its perfectly buttered and toasted buns with balanced proportions of the cheese and meat (thin to thick). The mushrooms were succulent, neutralizing the requested extra onions and going down smoothly with the beer. It was a comfortable burger-fries-beer combo meal, but in the end, it was still the default dinner option.

At least the décor was entertaining. Great conversations could spring from debating which decade had inspired it. Our conclusion was that it is a pure patchwork: the contemporary lamps hovered above the ‘50s style black-and-white floor tiles, while Appalachian-crafted wooden napkin holders graced the tables; classy, stemless wine glasses stood overturned on a shelf behind the bar next to a child’s coloring project and a set of keys hung on a thumb tack. Clocked’s motto is “…food for the space age…” but the eccentric ambiance was far trippier than anything on the menu.

Paying took an eternity and the confined dining space brought a near collision with a server on the way out. Cramped, slow and dull on the palate, our time at Clocked finally came to its end, with a doubtful chance that we’ll be checking back in anytime soon.

VERDICT: It's just a burger.

CLOCKED

259 W. Washington St.

Athens, Ga.

www.clockedrestaurant.com